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In his classic book, The Season's of a Man's Life (1985, Knopf, New York),
Daniel J. Levinson outlines a series of development stages which he feels are universal to
the life experience of all men. The stages are outlined in the slide below.
He argues than men go through major life phases. Within these phases
are times of stability, generally lasting about 6-10 years and transitional periods which
may last about 4-5 years. The primary task of every stable period is to build a life
structure, to make key choices, form a structure around them and to pursue goals and
values within this structure. This may be a tranquil or stressful times as options
are weighed and choices made. A transitional period terminates existing life
structures and creates the possibility for a new one. "The primary tasks of
every transition period are to question and reappraise the existing structure, to explore
the various possibilities for change in self and world, and to move toward a commitment to
crucial choices that form a basis for a new life structure in the ensuing stable
period."
As men complete a development phase called "settling down", they
enter into a life period which Levinson calls "Becoming One's Own Man" (age
36-39). A man becomes a senior member in his own world, he speaks with his own
voice, and he has a greater measure of authority. He carries the burden of greater
responsibilities and pressures. He gives up more of the "little boy
within". Hopefully, he fulfills his "Dream." Many men do not
complete this settling down in terms which are satisfactory to them. They do not
achieve their "Dream", they find themselves trapped in dead end occupations,
their marriages are no longer the Hollywood fantasy of perfection and they enter into
Mid-life with unresolved developmental issues. Others, while quite successful in
their lives, still struggle with the new developmental tasks of mid-life since this
is perfectly normal. He will still ask "what have I done with my
life? What do I really get from and give to my wife, family friends,
etc.?" He yearns for a life in which his actual desires, values, talents and
aspirations can be expressed (and often he doesn't know what they are).
Much of this developmental turmoil may be "below the surface" since many men are
only marginally aware of their own disquietude and/or do not communicate what is really
happening to others. However, it breaks through in strange ways and behaviors--
often being precipitated by acute crises or events in his life. Since clinical
depression is a common hallmark of repressed anger, ambivalence, and unresolved inner
turmoil, a typical characteristic of this time in a man's life is depression which
clinically appears far differently in man than women.
A man has several major tasks to work on during this transition.
Awareness of this by others may provide one tool for assistance so that this transition is
not too destructive.
 | He must terminate early adulthood. He has to review and reappraise
this era of his life.
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| He often has to discover who he really his-- not the
"self" of social expectations, parental scripts, corporate environments, etc.
He may begin to modify negative elements of his existing life structure. This
may require experimentation and even failures until the redefinition is clear.
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| He has to deal with the polarities of his life. There are:
 | Young/Old--the mid-life male is caught between poles.
"Young" symbolizes birth, growth, possibility, initiation, openness, energy, and
potential. "Old" symbolizes termination, fruition, stability, completion,
and death. Young can be heroic, fragile, and impulsive. Old can be senile,
tyrannical, and unconnected. The task of mid-life is to reintegrate these poles-- to
seek new energy for creation but with wisdom and balance. One of the major problems
here can be the inappropriate "quest for immortality" and all the
destructiveness this can lead to. Another aspect of this polarity is man's quest for
a "Legacy"-- what he passes on to the next generation. This may take the form of
satisfaction from children, work with charitable organizations, mentoring, recognition for
professional work etc.
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| Destruction/Creation--as a man reviews his life, he becomes aware of how
destructiveness everywhere inhibits creativity. He needs to understand the
destructiveness in his own life.. He needs to take responsibility for his own
destructive capabilities. He needs to resolve issues of guilt, ambivalence, old
anger, and grief over lost opportunities. A man's new creativity in middle adulthood
comes in part with the relationship with his own destructiveness and from intensification
of the loving, life-affirming aspects of self.
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| Masculine/Feminine--these polarities-- strength vs. weakness
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| Attachment/Separation-- to be attached is to be engaged, involved,
rooted, plugged in. To be separated is to be more deeply involved in one's inner
world. Separateness promotes creative adaptation and inner growth. During the
mid-life transition, men need to reduce their heavy involvement in the external world.
To do the work of re-appraisal and dis-illusionment, he must turn
inward. As he leaves the dependencies of his earlier life (and this may be a very
negative and destructive act), he forms a more universal sense of good and evil driven by
his own newly emerging values as opposed to that of the community. He strives to
find a better balance between needs of self and needs of society. With increased
self caring and self awareness comes self development and integrity.
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Levinson states that as the mid-life transition begins to resolve and reintegration of
the Self occurs, that the man effects changes in three components of the life
structure:
| The "Dream"--this symbolizes youth, omnipotence, illusion, inspiration, and
heroic drama. At mid-life, this imagery needs to be modulated and the conflicts
engendered by this resolved. |
| Mentoring--As the man gives up the "Dream", so he also gives up being
mentored, He must accept the loss and disappointment of being ejected from the youthful
generation. He much become the mentor and derive satisfaction from furthering the
development of younger men and women--facilitating their efforts to form and live out
their own Dreams. Mentoring involves altruism, self-rejuvenation, and creativity.
The hazards of inappropriate control, exploitation, jealousy, and excessive
involvement are well known. |
| Marriage--A man may come to recognize that his marriage was flawed from the start.
As he comes to know himself better, he comes to know his wife as a real person.
He needs to either recommitment to his marriage on new terms and, in doing
that, accept some responsibility for his own motivation and character or enter into a new
primary relationship. Obviously issues with the Young/Old polarity create major
problems here. |
So, where does a couple in struggling with the throes of a man's mild-life tumult go.
For a few reflections, please see .
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